eva k AKA eva k AKA eva k AKA eva k AKA eva k

ON WASTE

(Sun, Apr 7, 2024)

Talk about irony poisoned. Look at that title!

I write too much, but I think I’d die if anyone saw it. I think anyone reading it would die, too. Most of it is just gross and what I would categorize as depressing. Judging things by their exhaust is for cars, though, not people: we don’t need to talk about each other’s physical shit, so let’s not obsess about our artistic shit. I’m not talking to you about the sorts of shits I’m taking unless you’re a doctor and in that case you’d be getting paid and there’s laws about confidentiality and…

Don’t be confused, though. This isn’t shit, or if you’d prefer it a little less crass, exhaust. This is bona-fide written for people to read type shit. Creative expression. When I don’t know what to type I usually just type “kill” or “and then she DIES” instinctually and it’s only a little concerning to me. I can’t stress enough how bad the stuff I write for nobody’s eyes is. “Make art for yourself!” fuck you.

Thesis

Here is the plea that is central to this shit I’m typing now: don’t set out to “make something for yourself” if you’re going to share it. Nobody wants to indulge in your shit, least of all the people that are actually going to see your work, like your family and friends. And, in fact, there’s nothing wrong with making art to show it to people. It’s actually better than not doing that.

If people only made art for themselves art would fucking suck shit and be garbage and mostly pornographic in nature. That’s why fanfiction is so immediately disgusting to normal well-adjusted people and they have to be gaslit into feeling guilty having that reaction. Normal well-adjusted people like pornography, but when confronted with it in polite conversation it’s like “huh what the fuck stop showing me this penis” and if it’s fanfiction that person made it’s even weirder because they’re showing you their penis.

I don’t think of myself as a prude, really. You don’t want to look at the writing I do just to kill time. What I’m saying is that there’s nothing pure about doing art only for yourself. It can actually be really gross! Please search ArchiveOfOurOwn for “Harry Potter”: those are the people who are just doin’ it for themselves.

Making art for other people should, by the typical values of christendom ingrained in every American (and Americans by proxy such as Europeans and Australians) on the internet, be seen as the more pure practice. I think there’s some weird reddit jealousy thing that has caused this to become muddled. Don’t be selfish, let yourself think about the audience.

The Audience

Don’t worry about the “general audience,” because those guys are too busy buying Funko Pops and shoving mason jars up their asses and being cuckolded. They are not going to like anything you make because it was made after their 16th birthday and they’re all still playing Super Mario Sunshine. Those people don’t actually like things, so they categorically won’t like your art.

No. Think about the sort of people you’d like your work to speak to, and take them into account. You have the complete work in your head already. You won’t enjoy your finished product more than just imagining it finished and then going to get a nice burger, else you’d have made it already. Monkey brain don’t want to work. Monkey want burger and bean bag chair and YouTube Shorts™. The point of making the thing is to communicate that vision that’s trapped inside you so it can give other people the feelings you’ve already had from imagining it.

This isn’t to say you won’t find satisfaction in completing a challenging task, especially if it takes a big commitment to bring that vision to life. But if you just want satisfaction from work, go build houses. You’ll do so much more good in the world that way than being a fucking artist.

Collaborative creation is much the same, but even more rewarding if you let it be. It’s the surprise of experiencing other people’s work combined with the joy of sharing yours with people who are deeply invested in it. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of watching people engaging deeply with your creative work, it’s a similar feeling. If you don’t get frustrated by the unavoidable fact that whatever your specific vision is will never be realized in the same way you might achieve solo, it’s exhilarating.

Small Success

Also, while I’m on it, small successes are great. If the thing stopping you from doing something is the possibility you won’t become famous from it, just quit now. The emotional treadmill thing means that you’re going to feel the same joy from being a nobody and getting a little bit of recognition as you will from being huge and getting a proportional amount of recognition. Having a day job is fine. Probably better than not having one, because you won’t be tempted to turn your creative work into a job. The reality of capitalism is that whatever your career is will be unavoidably associated with the terror resulting from the threat inherent to capitalism: make money or die.

Do you want to be terrified of your art?

Anyway, make stuff to share it, dipshit. And share it with me, please. I want to see it. I promise I’m not too busy buying Funko Pops and shoving mason jars up my ass and being cuckolded, even if I think Super Mario Sunshine is pretty good.